Authentic

Body image has always been an issue for me.   The funny thing is that it has never been as conventional as you read about it.  You see, even at my heaviest, the mirror always showed me a thinner version.  Funny, my perception may have been distorted.  It wasn’t until I gave birth to my first child that I realized I am image blind.  The day after my son was born, I felt like all of the baby weight, all 35 pounds, had melted away over night.   Maybe it was the ability to see my feet that gave me my “thin” illusion, but I asked my husband to bring me my jeans before I got pregnant.   He complied.   Either he was as disillusioned as I was or he was a smart man who knew when to keep his mouth shut, he brought them to me.    It was eye opening.  I couldn’t even get them over my hips let alone button them.   For a long few minutes, I wrestled them to the death and realized that they must have shrunk.    Then after wearing my pregnant clothes for several months after his birth and people asking me when I was giving birth, I embraced my reality.

I have always struggled with my weight or at least that’s what was instilled in me. I was described as “big boned” which made me think my bones were extra large for a five foot frame.  Still not sure what that means.  I see pictures of myself in high school and college where I looked great.   Fit and healthy.   However, something transpired between being pregnant twice and not losing the weight right after the first birth.   The older we get the harder it is to lose this excess weight.

So, I tried Weight Watchers, aerobics, walking, boot camp, yoga, and the list goes continues.    One thing about me, is it is hard for me to stay on task.  I never got to my goal weight, but I did complete four mini-marathons and continued with boot camp for three years.  Then I grew bored and complacent along with knee surgery and a gallbladder removal, I feel into a rut.  

So, here is what I discovered.   I am never going to be a size 2.  What works or looks good on someone else, may not work for me.  The other thing I realized was that if I feel good in and out of my clothes, then what the scale says shouldn’t matter.    My latest trend of living in my true self, is to eat healthy, write down what I eat to make me accountable, and moving.  Not following what people say I should do, but rather do what works for me.  Rather than being image blind, my vision has been restored into a more realistic and authentic view.  

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