Gender Pool

I consider myself to fairly evolved within my own strengths as a woman.  Independent and what I consider savvy, I am surprised at the emotions that I am feeling.   Bailey and I are camping this weekend with some very fun friends.  Now, this isn’t the first time the rest of the family was unable to come, but this time I am feeling insecure.  Insecure?  Yep, a baffling word that isn’t normally apart of my vocabulary.

As women, we are taught that needing a man is a sign of weakness.  Wanting a man is different.  But, for me, Brian is like a security blanket.  He makes me feel safe.  Since he is an accomplished man that is handy. He can build and fix just about anything.  That’s not all.  He isn’t geographically challenged.  Similar to my dad, he can go anywhere once and remember how to get there a year later as if he had lived there all of his life.

So, I am going on this camping trip with my special needs son, who tends to use his disability when it comes to working outside. Nifty trick if you ask me.  I have no idea how to put up our tent, as the last time we went, he made shelter, while I indulged in an adult beverage.  Yes, my camping pals will assist me with the tent issue.  I am not alone in this by any means.   It is the realization that it is not a sign of weakness to rely on our spouses.  Relying on someone is totally different than depending on a person.   What I know, is that when challenged, I am hesitant as I don’t always feel competent.  It is the nagging tape playing in my head repeating “I am not good enough” or “there is no way you can do this”. However, I usually learn something about myself, which is an excellent outcome in my book.  While I will miss the other half of my family, I know memories will be made and on Sunday I will look back with a smile on my face.  That is, if I find my way home.  Hello, my name is Allison and I am geographically challenged.

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