Just Breathe……..

So, as I am packing to leave for a weekend excursion to the beach and I am panic stricken.  You probably don’t feel sorry for me, but there is more.  My husband and I are taking my mother with us to a birthday party for someone very special to us.   I have written in the past about my tumultuous relationship with her.  It is hard enough being with her regularly, but to travel with her is a different story.

Please know that I do love my mother.  We are just different.  Last night, I woke up gasping for air.  I thought I was dying and then realized that I was having a panic attack.  I don’t have panic attacks.  In fact, I pride myself on being pretty calm.  So, this was something very new for me.  My strategy was to focus on my breath.     In and out.   I did this for several minutes until I calmed my inner being.

I am aware that God is providing an opportunity for me.  An opportunity that I would like to politely pass on, but what I know is that there may be something amazing that happens through this process.  I just have to be open to it.

I am trying to see the positives in all this weekend has to offer, but I am quickly drawn back into the incessant needs of my mother.   It is like traveling with a two year-old instead of an 83 year-old woman.    Maybe I will be surprised by what the weekend has in store.  Until then, I think I will just breathe.

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