The Inner Experiment

Sometimes, I think I am a chemistry experiment.   As various “ingredients” aka situations are mixed together, there is bound to be a reaction.   The reaction is either explosive or fizzle.   I prefer the fizzle.  In the past, I was always the explosive reactionary fueled by fear.  My instant gut reaction is to completely lose my shit and unleash the crazy flying monkeys.  However, the reality is that nothing good has ever come out of my “freak outs”.  In fact, it is completely counterproductive.

A couple things I have learned, my children will share with me on a regular basis as long as they know I won’t “freak out”.  Oh sure, I have my moments, but if I am in the present state, I can be reasonable and calm.  I also regain my hearing.  When I am reactionary, I am deaf to the other person.   I am impulsive.  If I don’t pause before responding, it will be ugly.

The other nugget of gold that I aspire to is gathering more information.  It is easy to jump to a conclusion with only a piece of the story.   Stepping out of a place of judgment and climbing into a state of curiosity is a novel approach.   The shift from judgement to curiosity alleviates my place of judge and jury, but instead invites facts, other view points, and most of all, removing my sense of “knowing all”.   I don’t do it perfect, but I try.  In the end, I still have the crazy flying monkeys on stand-by……just in case.

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