I just realized I haven’t written my blog for over a week. Completely overwhelmed by the events over the last seven days grouped with getting ready for a trip to Italy, equals a very scatter-brained woman. I am envious of those world travelers who throw caution to the wind and easily board a plane onto new horizons. Me? Exactly the opposite. I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. It could be the combination of my oldest, who has Down syndrome starting a new job and my youngest, who just received his permit for driving on top of making sure that I pack, meet my work deadlines, and, well, you get the picture.
I have felt like a juggler with at least twelve balls in the air. Obstacles have been thrown in my path, individuals are unhappy with how they envision a situation, and I have almost forgotten two doctor’s appointment that I normally have written down. The only thing that has kept me sane is the realization that the world will go on despite my neurotic note and list making for the kids. I certainly believe that God gave me this chaotic week to display my need to leave, disconnect for a bit, and immerse myself in a different culture.
It is unfathomable that we are going to Italy. Quite possibly, I won’t believe it until my eyes see the beautiful architecture, my taste buds dance as they enjoy the delectable food, and my ears hear the music of the Italian language. We have made horrible financial decisions. It has taken years to rebuild, but we did. We saved. We budgeted and now, we are going to Italy. That, my friends, may be the reason while I am almost certifiable. It is the belief that I am not worthy. Crazy, right? Old recordings play in my head with self sabotaging messages. It is up to me to throw away the old tapes and record something new. Maybe this trip will allow me the privilege of claiming my worth.