After being with the hubs for almost 27 years (24 years of marriage), we are the poster children for fighting over stupid shit. Seriously, I could write an analogy of ridiculous subjects that we have fought over…..the list is extensive. So, does that mean we are headed for divorce court? Shall we go ahead and divide our assets? Let’s be honest……..we might bicker, but the bigger issue is when you don’t.
This morning, the hubs was annoyed at my shoe collection resting at the side door. Keep in mind that I take the dogs out frequently, and I left the shoes there to dry. Normally, they are neatly tucked away and don’t pose a problem. Apparently, he “twisted” his ankle coming up from the basement on those pesky shoes. There were no witnesses and he tends to be dramatic, so I am not convinced of his “injury”. He complained about how I am annoyed with his shoes lying around, so why is it any different for me? Excellent question. The difference is that I am not normally in a habit of leaving them in someone’s way, unlike my adorable spouse. This went back and forth, all the while I tried to keep my side of the street clean. I even said something kind like, “I hope you can spread your sunshine to your employees”. Okay, so that was more sarcastic than kind, but it is progress on what I use to do in this situation.
My point is not to air my dirty laundry, but to share something I have learned about relationships. Bickering, fighting, exchanges that involve hashing out issues are all apart of being a couple. When I hear someone tell me “we really don’t fight”, I am part envious and part fearful. Productive or frivolous, arguing can release some of the build up and provide an outlet. Of course, we have learned how to make amends to each other and are aware when the arguing is mean spirited. I do believe, arguing, allows you to find your voice. I know now that my shoes were an obstacle for Brian, therefore, I will be setting all of them at the side door from now on, so he gets a loving greeting. (KIDDING!!!) I will do my best to alleviate that as he will probably be more aware of the dirty dishes that he leaves downstairs on a regular basis. (Brian, are you reading this?)
Look…..my point is that in any relationship, communication is key. If you don’t voice your issues, big or small, than how does your marriage garden grow? There is a happy balance between fighting all the time and never fighting. I am hoping we have found it…..shoes, dishes, and that pesky toilet handle that Brian insists is “broken”, but works for the rest of the family. Love and marriage is complicated, but I wouldn’t trade this journey for anything else.