Waiting in the car, I surveyed the already gathering group. It was 9:50 on a weekday morning and cars were appearing from all different directions. The line formed just outside to doors waiting in anticipation to enter…….COSTCO. I bet you thought I was building up to something exciting, which, for me, it definitely not COSTCO.
I arrive early to beat the savvy shoppers who piddle around the store and eat every sample they encounter. It is the their version of Hometown Buffet, only it is free. My plan is similar to the Amazing Race minus doing stupid antics in order to get to the next place. I navigate the store according to my list. I breeze down the aisles only to encounter those shoppers, who appear that they are at an museum staring at the contents on the shelves as if they were masterpieces, while strategically blocking my way. Quickly, I turn the cart around to gain access to a obstacle free aisle. I curse people as they leisurely walk as though they are on holiday at some foreign land.
Finally, I round the corner to the meat section and feel triumphant that I have escaped all the mass tables being set up to offer sustenance to the unfortunate individuals who claim this as their outing. I snicker at those shoppers who only come for one or two things. Why would you come to COSTCO to just buy a gallon of milk?
At last, I am almost free of the confines of this store, when I must show an individual my receipt where they pretend to look at the items in my cart and make sure it matches. It is all a show. The lady that proceeded me had two full carts and the receipt checker glanced and gave her the go ahead. I wonder how many people shoplift and get away with it.
The receipt checker tells me to have a good day and I don’t have the heart to say, “I will because I know I don’t have to come back to this hell hole for at least two weeks”. Instead, I smile and return the pleasantries. Loading all the groceries in my car, I check the time and do a little fist pump because I completed this heinous act in less than 30 minutes. There should be an award for my speedy and organized completion of this task. I go home and unload. I exhale and try not to think about my next visit.