Recovery Mode Step 2…..Scorekeeping

So, now I am in the mode of my recovery where I have way too much time on my hands and too much thought in my head.   I am analyzing and dissecting everything and everyone.   Naturally, when one is physically immobilized, it is easy to go down the path of darkness.    This plays havoc on your rationale and you become full of self-pity and righteousness.

Like I have shared before, I am beyond grateful for those that have shown up through this bump in the road.    While it may not seem serious, it feels serious.  A good friend reminded me that I have just had surgery and that is serious, so I shouldn’t make light of it.   That was a heavy does of humble pie.  You see, other people have bigger plights to overcome, so I seem to want to dismiss my own issues because I feel bad for feeling bad.  It’s complicated.

Also, in my head I am identifying those who haven’t reached out.  No text. No phone call.  No nothing.    I am all in my head which is a bad neighborhood on a good day, it is even more treacherous when I am half out of my mind.  I am comparing them to how I would proceed and that is dangerous territory.  As I am constantly reminded…….I always get what I need, it just may not be from the people I expected it from.   Simple as that.

I also need to remember that not everyone has the ability or the tools to be able to reach out to others.  It may be difficult for them.   If I have learned anything, it is to be the example I want to see in others.     Setting realistic expectations for people, is the key to me not going down the road of resentments.

So as I am healing, I am going to try to remind myself of a few things…….1.   I am valuable to myself and others.  2. Everyone in my life has something to offer, it just may appear at different times.  3.   Everyone is doing the best that they can and I shouldn’t try to measure them by my expectations.   4. Those first three items are very mature which is surprising since my mental health is somewhere between a toddler and a 5 year old.

In conclusion, as spiritually fit as this blog sounds, I am slowly making my way back to embracing my present situation.    I might not like it, but boy it is giving me a whole lot of perspective.   That, my friends, is a growth potential.

 

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