The Moment

It has been almost a week since I have written this blog.  Mostly, I felt limited in my thought process as I try to rebound from my knee surgery.   While there has been improvement and I have somewhat resumed my activities, I am still in the process of healing.   This is a terribly inconvenient and lengthy endeavor.

My mood has improved.  I am not longer teetering on the edge of self-pity, but have graduated to the shallow portion of annoyance.    Then there are the people.  Yes, those people who on a good day taunt my nerve endings, and now are in the category where sharp objects should be hidden from my grasp.

Here is what I know about human nature…….there is a level of fear that causes us to act out whether it is sideways anger or passive-aggressive behavior.  We are all guilty of participating.  Yesterday, I had several experiences that instantly drove me to the brink, until I realized this isn’t about me.     Several disparaging emails regarding my writing and column in general, sprinkled with an encounter with one of my many tool testers, left me emotionally drained.

In each situation, I wanted to react.    When I feel attacked, the urge to defend myself becomes overwhelming, but if I have learned anything, it is my lack of participation that alleviates the situation a lot quicker and plus, the other person doesn’t really care what I think because the situation is a reflection of them.     I have said this before and it worth repeating…….I am NOT responsible for other people’s actions or reactions.  The only responsibility I hold is my part.   That is one reason I don’t respond to passive-aggressive emails and/or conversations because simply put, it isn’t worth my time or energy.   Surprisingly, people are more uncomfortable when you don’t respond.  Which again, is on them.

Last night, while engaging with this other individual, I kept repeating a mantra, “Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit”.   People are uncomfortable when you change the rules especially after exhibiting the same behavior over and over.   In the end, it isn’t really about them.  It is about my spiritual awakenings and how I can be the best version of myself.   There will be casualties, but my happiness comes first and hanging on to anger and resentments aren’t how I want to live my life.   Trust me, I am witnessing first hand how that can taint your outlook, and it isn’t very attractive.

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