After a recent interaction with someone, the word “accountability” has been blinking in my head like a hotel marquee. In the past, I was the poster child for how to escape a situation without ownership of my part. I was blameless and assumed the part of the victim. It was ALWAYS someone else’s fault. After being in a recovery program for fourteen plus years, I grew this appendage called awareness. Awareness is now my constant companion who nudges me when there are situations that scream for my accountability. The lesson has been a huge teaching tool for my boys.
Interestingly enough, because I strive to be more willing to own my part, I put high standards on everyone else because if I am doing it, so should they. Unrealistic expectations rear their ugly head once again and I am left with questioning myself. Waiting for someone to own their actions is similar to watching paint dry……it is tedious, daunting, and sometimes, the amends, that I feel is owed, doesn’t take place. So, then what? Well, for me, I follow the saying, “action not words”. I can be apologetic, but if I can’t follow it up with actions that match, then the apology is empty.
Today, I embrace my humanness that is riddled with imperfection. Taking one day at a time seems more manageable and remembering that FEELINGS aren’t FACTS creates a foundation for a more meaningful existence. It also allows me to create a balance of owning my part versus turning a blind eye.