Formidable Frustration

After twenty-one years of raising a son with Down syndrome, I have reached another pit stop on my 500th marathon where I simply want to stop.    Honestly, just when I think we have gotten through another hurdle, a larger,more expansive one is put in its place.   I really think that God’s sense of humor needs some work.

Those of you with typical kids are not going to understand this.  You are in a pristine position where you are rearing your children who will eventually leave the home in search of their dreams.  Yes, you are sad and wondering how you will get through it.  I am sad as well.  Sad that until he learns some vital life skills, he will probably live with us forever.   Please, don’t not interpret this as a pity party as I would not trade him  for the world, on most days, but you can only imagine how many times I roll my eyes when mothers are wallowing in their child’s eventual exit.

Bryce will be leaving for college in two years.   While I adore him, the reason I became a mother was to raise him with a solid foundation and then watch him soar.   Yes, it is sad and part of my heart will be go with him, but the excitement for his future outweighs the sorrow.    With Bailey, it is a constant battle from time management to budgeting his money, I am sure that I have a concussion from beating my head against the wall.   It’s exhausting.

Venting releases the frustration.   I long to have Bailey be self-sufficient in all areas of his life and hopefully that will come to fruition.    He deserves to leave home and have his dream life just as much as his brother.     So, once I get out of this unsettling frustration, I will seek out my creative trick bag and get busy once again.   After all, the journey with Bailey may be slow going, but the destination will be worth it.

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