This time of recovery has also brought moments of deep reflection. Since I have paused, it has allowed me to simply be an observer. Being still has offered me new revelations that simply add to my continued journey of self-discovery. The enlightenment has blossomed from me simply being present. I have nothing else occupying my brain but getting better, so those that have come to visit, reached out, or just been of service in a variety of ways have impacted me profoundly. It has made my healing a whole lot more comfortable.
With that being said, it isn’t all warm and fuzzy. There have been moments where I realize individuals are not true to their word or they make habitual excuses for their behavior. With distractions, I don’t always make note of such things, but now, with a clear agenda and a more centered thought patterned, I am seeing situations with a new set of eyes.
It isn’t one of those times where I wash my hands of those individuals, but I do note that they aren’t the ones that I can count on and honestly, that makes me grateful. By knowing that, I no longer set myself up for disappointment or resentments. I simply move forward. This time of quiet reflection has opened my eyes to a new way of thinking.
This village that has supported me over the last few months and particularly the last ten days, are an eclectic group of individuals that share their love and kindness with me – freely and completely. It is humbling, to say the least, that people are showing up and my heart is full of gratitude.
I still struggle daily getting through the pain of rehab. It plays tricks on my psyche and can overwhelm me emotionally. With that being said, this time has allowed me to get in touch with my inner strength, renewed hope in my determination, and to relish in my ability to walk through even the toughest obstacles. Life is a series of tests that challenge us to be a better version of what we were before and this window of time is allowing me to speak my truth, accept others for where they are, and to not allow the circumstances of the moment to define me.