Nervousness

So, tonight I will be standing in front of an extensive crowd sharing my story of how my boys arrived at the same place taking different paths.  It is the story of a place – a home where my boys have been nurtured and loved.    I can honestly say I am terrified about standing – vulnerable – in front of virtual strangers.

Here is what I know.  There is a reason that I am sharing my story.   Somehow, someway, there will be someone who this story benefits.  Somehow my message is important.  When I was asked to do this, I didn’t hesitate in my response.  Maybe it was because I feel so indebted to this institution or maybe it is because deep down I know that there is value in my story.

I am teetering on the edge of my comfort zone.   Practicing in front of a mirror, I am focused on my facial expressions.  I don’t want to look sterile, yet, I don’t want to cry.  I want to make sure I look warm and friendly.  When I am nervous, I tend to lean to the side of coldness.    Of course, there are the wild nightmares – vomiting on the stage, falling as I walk up there, and, of course, the ever popular staring blankly into the crowd and not being able to speak.   I am overthinking this.

What I do need to remember is to invite God in for this speech.   Let him be my crutch and allow his words to flow through me.   He got me to this point, so it would be rude not to include him.    Once I remember to get the hell out of the way, I will be fine.  I am my own worst enemy.

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