Measuring Up

My writing workshop has given me a lot to think about in regards to how different my life is today.    Currently, I am working on several personal narrative essays along with pieces that may eventually fit into a memoir.  Such reflective writing can lead to a great deal of perspective.   There was a time where I would have described myself as broken, but today I know that if I truly was shattered, then I would have had a difficult time repairing myself.  I prefer to describe those times as being fragmented.   At least, I know that is fixable.

Yesterday, blanketed in exhaustion from not getting enough sleep and on the cusp of a cold, I was measuring myself.    From trolling Facebook and wondering why I am not good enough for so and so to include me in their adventures to sighing every time someone said my name, those are red flags that I am wallowing.     Yesterday, I was fragmented.

It is so easy to fall into that pattern when I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually unsettled.   Of course, I know the truth.  I know that I am good enough for any given situation and honestly, I don’t really want to participate with so and so  because I don’t really like the other people in the group, plus I sigh when people say my name on a good day, so there’s that.    It is all about perspective.   While I woke up today still not feeling 100 percent, I do know that my perception is a little clearer today.  I can put my fragmented thinking to rest and know that things can and will improve when I shift my focus.

Life is good no matter what is going on, but it is my perception that can taint the beautiful picture.     For today, I am all about breathing in the good shit and exhaling the bullshit.  Once I do that, my outlook is a whole lot brighter.

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