Being held hostage by a resentment or a grudge is no way to live. I call it absentee punishing because the other person has no idea. Yet, the initiator is held hostage by their own choice. If people were completely honest with each other in the beginning, there would be no need for the drama that follows.
I was subject to the absentee punishing recently. While I had already owned my part and offered an amends, the other party had not forgiven the action, unbeknownst to me. My theory is that once you apologize, it is not your business on whether the action is forgiven or not. Unfortunately, while I have moved on, they were still residing in the moment that they were hurt. While sad, I can’t force a solution. I can only make sure that my side of the street is clean.
In my experience, I have to walk through the emotions of anger, pain, and resentment before I can be in a place of letting go. I might not be able to forgive, and that is okay, but I refuse to allow my serenity to be taken prisoner by someone else’s actions. Allowing myself to reside in the past is no longer attractive to me.
Knowing that I can’t change anyone’s perception of any given situation, frees me from the bondage of people pleasing and encourages me to allow others to do the same. Letting go is the only way to move forward. It is a choice. Do you want to be happy or do you want to partner with misery? Happiness is where I choose to dwell.