After the pizza fiasco of Friday night, I was sure that I would have a break from dealing with any customer service related issues. After all, God’s sense of humor isn’t that twisted, right? Wrong…..it is that twisted.
Yesterday, I received a phone call from my 85 year old mother. Her cable/phone were both out and she requested that I call to report it. Of course I said yes even though my head was screaming….”NO….Not the cable company!”. I think the worst customer service on the planet would be Time Warner or now they are called Spectrum. I honestly think they change their name just to confuse their customers or maybe they are simply having an identity crisis. Calling the cable company is literally the abyss…..a black hole where you simply are lost and nothing is ever accomplished. With this attitude, you can be guaranteed that this will be an interesting interaction.
I took a deep breath and invited God into the conversation. This way, I might be kinder, gentler, and most of all, I might not say anything that would cause harm to the person on the other end. The first lady I got, told me that she doesn’t handle service calls, but would transfer me. I held my tongue. I really wanted to say, “Then why the hell are you answering the service line.” Exhaled. Got through that one without any war wounds. Second person, “Hi, this is Trina. How can I help you?” Ummmm…….I believe I just spoke to Trina and apparently she can’t help me or transfer a call. This is going very well. “Yes, Trina. I just spoke to you and you were transferring me.” The other end of the phone resulted in a girlish giggle and an apology along with saying she would try again. Yippee! Maybe she will hang up on me this time. So, finally I get a person who can actually take a service order and this process only took 10 minutes. Brian (not my spouse) answered the phone with a lot of pep. I was waiting for a cheer, but maybe he saves that for the end of the phone call. After taking the service issue and additional information, he asked if she was near highway 51. In my head, I was saying, “What the fuck are you talking about and isn’t the location site on your computer?”, instead I simply told him that there is no Highway 51 anywhere near her home. He kept telling me to wait. What else would I be doing? After several minutes of silence, he said, “Okay, I have everything I need. We will have someone out there on Wednesday between 3-4.” (Signal my head ready to explode as this is Sunday and my mother is without a phone and cable.) “Are you kidding me? This is an eighty-five year old woman living alone without a phone.” He replied that he did indicate that she was elderly and that in order for it to be expedited, more problems in the areas needed to be reported.
Everything I retorted back, he responded that he understood, but this was all he could do. When I am pissed and I am not unleashing the wrath of Satan, I have a tone. People that truly know me have heard the tone. It is combination bitch mixed with a sprinkle of restraint. As we were finishing our conversation, he told me that I would be receiving a call to rate my experience and he would appreciate me giving him a good review. Again, in my head, the rant started with ……”What exactly did you do for me? Did you go above and beyond? No, you provided the minimum in customer service,”. But, I didn’t. I just have my bitch tone in place with a flat “okay”. Then he says,”Is there anything else I can do for you today,”…….I refrained from saying, “Yes, you can fix my mother’s fucking issue.” Oh, and peppy Brian did not do a cheer. Probably for the best.
So, today, I behaved a little more human. I commented to Brian (my spouse not the peppy cable person) that we are prisoners to these entities. The whole process is deplorable, but apparently God is trying to teach me something with all the opportunities I am having with customer service related issues or maybe He just needs a good laugh.