Yesterday, I was a delight to be around, in fact, so much so that even my dogs were looking for other places to reside. (In case you are unfamiliar with my writing, that word “delight” was used very loosely and would not remotely describe my state of mind.) My spouse was the target for my overwhelming delightful nature and we both started our day on an uncomfortable note.
Ever since I found out that my services were no longer needed to cultivate the column that has been my baby for ten years, I have been experiencing a roller coaster of emotions. The five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – are a fascinating group of feelings. Personally, in this situation, anger, depression, and a resounding acceptance have been the only ones that I have experienced. Denial would be futile because the reality of the situation is apparent. It is final. Bargaining? Please……bargaining isn’t an option and if I am being completely authentic, I don’t want to be in a position where I am no longer wanted. So, anger, slight depression, and as of this morning, acceptance of my situation.
So, while I am immersed in my own discomfort, I have three viable writing opportunities on the table. Pretty impressive since the newness of my transition is not even a week old. The beauty is I can do all three if I wanted to.
Anger is still hanging out on the sidelines ready to be called to action. When I am in the midst of surrendering my serenity to rage, I pray. I pray for all the individuals involved and I pray for myself. We are all imperfect humans trying to navigate life. It is messy, complicated, and down right frustrating, but in the end, I am going to be alright.
Yesterday, I ran into a friend of mine who was in tears. I went to comfort her and she apologized because she knows I have had a hard week. That is the beauty about being human together. We all have shit happening. Instead of being self-centered to think I am the only person on the planet experiencing difficulty, I can be there for someone else. We can walk through our pain together. This journey isn’t a solo tour. It is a group effort and I am grateful to have that awareness. It certainly makes the tough times a little more tolerable.