Being unfamiliar with my surroundings can cause me great anxiety. Since I am navigating new territories with my many opportunities to write, I lean on the side of caution. I don’t want to appear overly needy by asking a million questions, so I dole them out like trick or treat candy. Of course, being a silent observer, I tend to learn a lot as well.
After ten years of operating in a systematic approach, this is a little daunting travelling this new terrain. I wrote my article ahead of schedule, but then proceeded to labor over it, pick it apart, and then put it back together again. It was my uncertainty that it wouldn’t be received well that delayed my sending it in earlier. When I emailed it yesterday, it was my symbolic gesture of release. As I sent it, I released my expectations and forgave myself for being overly critical of my process.
We all do this……we buy into the assumption that we aren’t good enough. It doesn’t matter that I have had a byline for ten years or that people compliment me on my writing style on a regular basis because my stinking thinking can twist that notion until it dissipates into dust. It is simply being human.
I am not responsible for what others think or feel about any given situation. All I know is that I did the job that was requested of me. I did that job to the best of my ability. I showed up and didn’t back away from a new opportunity based on fear. Fear and my ego can take over the reigns if I allow it. Today, that is simply not an option.