I think one of the biggest obstacles for me to overcome is my over sense of responsibility to other people. Whatever your issue was, I eagerly latched on to offer a solution – because I always knew what was best. I would obsess over your problems. Often, I would offer you a fix and be confused as to why individuals weren’t acting on them. After all, my solutions would solve your issues. Now I know that was a deflection to avoid my own stuff.
I realized today after a conversation with my husband, that I have come a long way. He was sharing his experience with his endocrinologist and how it didn’t go as well as he wanted. I, on the other hand, had just finished a stellar appointment for my physical which resulted in a gold star and a great deal of confetti. Okay, I exaggerate a tad, but if there were gold stars to be handed out and confetti to be thrown, I would have definitely received it. So, I am euphoric strutting around with my A+ report and basically telling my spouse that if he would change his unhealthy approaches, then he too would receive a gold star or perhaps, better numbers on his sugar levels. While I didn’t say it in that way, my message was basically that he has choices. He said that I sounded just like the nurse practitioner and he was hoping I would be more empathetic, but honestly, not my sugar levels and he is an adult. Now that may sound harsh, but after almost 28 years together, I know that he isn’t really interested in my suggestions and I can give him the dignity and respect to figure out what works for him.
Bryce went to get his tux yesterday as per my cutting the cord on the prom issue. After standing in a “very long line” which was only four people, he completed the mission. His rental choice was $200 versus the cheaper option of $90. He chose the more expensive one because he preferred two buttons rather one on the jacket. For someone who has never rented a tux, he is highly particular. Again, I have to give everyone in my life the ability to figure it out on their own. Although, I did suggest that next time he be more fiscally conservative.
Standing back and allowing others to live their lives is the gift that I give to myself. This ridiculous illusion that I am responsible for others is simply not a good way for me to live. I used to believe that if everyone would simply comply to my way of doing things, then all would be well in the world. That type of stinking thinking led me to be the conductor of the crazy train. Today, it simply isn’t worth the effort to be consumed by other people’s dos and don’ts. Keeping myself in check is a lot of work, so I don’t have time for anyone else.