Redefined

Maybe it is because I will be 50 in exactly three weeks, that I am reflecting, reevaluating, and reliving much of my past.  Not in an order to reside there, but simply to enjoy how far I have come.    There was a time when I was troubled if someone didn’t like me.  After all, I am a delight (most days….just don’t ask my husband or children).   Now, I really don’t give a shit if you like me or not.   That’s growth.  That is true acceptance of who I am today.

When Bryce came home from prom last week, he was amazed that a girl from his grade school class remembered him.     It truly surprised him and confused him.  When inquiring why that was so difficult to understand, he replied, “I don’t think I was memorable”.   What?   Bryce not memorable.   Of course, I am his mother and by law of shoving him out of my body I am suppose to be aghast by the revelation, but as a human being, I get it.    At some point in our lives, we believe that our mere presence doesn’t impact anyone, but that is a fallacy.     We are all leaving an impression – good or bad – we impact others.   And we question those who simply don’t like us.

I have always admired Bryce.  He isn’t paralyzed by other people not being attracted to his vibe.   His healthy outlook sprinkled by “this is who I am like me or not” has served him well in high school where judgement of others reigns supreme.

It took me most of my life to embrace my own individuality.  I thought it was based on if others liked me or not.    The warped perception battled my self-worth until I believed that I wasn’t deserving of quality relationships.  Guess what?  Now, I question whether others warranty my presence.  The aging process might come with some aches and pains, but it also delivers wisdom and a large slice of “I am rocking this adulthood like a boss” mentality.   Like me or don’t like me, that is your choice, but my attitude or self-worth aren’t dependent on your decision.    (If there were visuals…..this would be the part I would drop the mic.)

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