Twenty-five years ago today, I married my spouse. And no, I am not going to gush about how amazing our marriage is or that he is my soul mate because that is not reality. That is the shiny post saved for social media where unicorns and butterflies live. It is the post used to distract your social media “friends” from the truth. I distrust those posts that taunt a perfect union. Perfection is a myth especially in a marriage.
What I will say in the twenty-five years that we have been married is that we have walked through active alcoholism, the birth of a child with Down syndrome, gone through financial hardships, a separation, and serious health issues all the while learning a new way to live. There are still holes in our union, but nothing that can’t be worked through. I have no regrets.
While we are on our trip to Portugal in September, we are going to renew our vows. While ceremonial for most, this will be more than that in my eyes. It is renewing the commitment that we are in it for the long haul. Our first go around was empty. There was a lot of dysfunction and no, we didn’t put the fun in it. Hindsight serves as a reminder that we have come a very, very long way. By standing up this time around, we get to celebrate the victories and all the lessons that we have learned along the way. While many might have seen our partnership as a recipe for failure, I believe we proved many wrong and amazingly enough, I believe we are well-matched.
After twenty-five years, I still am in love with Brian. While that is an important component, the more important factor is that I still LIKE him. I like being with him – most days – and I like the person that he is becoming. We are all in a period of transformation. Hell, I am even liking the person I am becoming. It isn’t easy – this marriage gig. It is a combination of tolerance, acceptance, and love sprinkled with annoyance, frustration and a bit of disdain especially when you think you know what is best for your beloved. Here is the reality, I wouldn’t have it any other way and honestly, Brian pushes me to be the best version of myself and I like to think that he feels the same way about me. We are a perfectly imperfect union and I wouldn’t have it any other way.