When my AARP invitation arrived on Friday with its promise of a thermal bag and “real possibilities” I scoffed. Those that truly know me get my humor. They get that giving the finger to the AARP doesn’t mean I am not embracing turning 50. It simply means I am not allowing anyone to define me by age.
In the spirit of getting all the information, I perused their website. There are a lot of mixed messages. First, you can get a doughnut and coffee at Dunkin Donuts with your old age discount, yet in the next breath they are touting the importance of eating healthy. Also, there was an article that explained the things you shouldn’t do after you turn fifty. First was to not skateboard. I totally get that, yet they offer insurance discounts on motorcycles. Then, and my longtime girlfriends will now gasp,……they recommend no jello shots. Even more alarming, no karaoke after doing the jello shots you weren’t suppose to be doing in the first place because you are fifty. Look, I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.
I am embracing this birthday like a boss. Squeezing it so hard, it is going to explode. Fifty is fantastic. It means I have survived a lot of bullshit. It means that I showed up and participated in this messy thing called life. So, no thank you to the AARP discounts, well-meaning articles that suck the spirit out of aging, and the delightful thermal bag. I do appreciate the invitation, but I will happily decline.