The Criteria

I find it interesting those individuals who ignore boundaries and effortlessly deflect their part by portraying themselves as a victim.  They can never be accountable for their actions.   The finger is always pointed away from themselves. One of the hardest lessons that I have learned is that most people who continue on that path are not going to change.  They are on the path of righteousness.

By a series of banging my head against the wall, overexplaining myself, or quite possibly losing my shit, they continue their same propaganda.  Nothing changes, if nothing changes.   On the other end, hurt people tend to hurt others.  That is the biggest lesson to learn.  That while the target might be me, it is really a reflection of their struggle or simply their unhappiness.    I don’t have all the information.

I can’t shift their perception.  I can’t make them understand.   They are lost in a cloud of their own ideals.   Everyone has a right to feel the way they want to feel.   Believe what they want to believe.   That is a respectable stance.  Just don’t vomit it all over me.   Don’t bully or manipulate.   I am too old to be dealing with that crap.

Over the years, these three phrases have been drilled into my head…..Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true?……most of the time I meet two of the criteria.  The one usually not met is the kind one.   If it isn’t kind I veer on the side of caution….most days.   Even if my insides bubble with the urge to spill my venom,   Even if I know it will make me feel better….even for a moment…..to unleash my anger, I put on the brakes.   Why, you ask? Because I don’t enjoy the emotional residue that lingers after the fact.

My best effort lie in the wake of not engaging which sucks the power out of the ordeal.   I am not interested in attacks, name calling, or any other juvenile antics.  It doesn’t serve any purpose nor does it solve any issue.

It is so easy to judge an individual or a situation, but what is more demanding of us is the ability to understand.  Understanding requires compassion and patience sprinkled with a willingness to believe that even good people don’t always choose the best methods.   We grow through understanding.   That is the place I want to reside.

 

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