Look I know a lot of people. Most of them are only one or two cards short of a full deck, which is amazing considering what is going on in the world. My theory is that you have to be a little cray cray to function in society. I teeter on the edge. What society dictates and what I would like to reveal are quite different. You see, my filter is still working – most of the time – so what I am thinking and what I am saying could be quite different depending on the circumstances. The only problem is that most of the time my facial expressions and my eye rolling tend give me away.
That is why I am so grateful for the impersonal way to communicate. Texting and email allow me to talk out loud to say what I am really feeling, allow resting bitch face to relax, and to text or email a very socially acceptable response. I imagine that might melt away the older I get, but for now, it seems to be working. You see, I don’t want to have to make amends for hurtful things I might say, so allowing myself the privilege of having that one sided conversation in my head alleviates the urge to spew the ugliness all over the page. It really is a gift to society as a whole.
That is not to say that I can’t email or text my real thoughts and frustrations, I just need to work with the semantics, so it doesn’t sound so harsh in the translation. When conducting a personal conversation, I have to be conscious of two things……my eye rolls and my “WTF” look. The eye rolls have been perfected, so that most of the time, I am not even aware its happening. My facial expressions fall in the same category as my eyeballs. They are an open book. Which unfortunately would not make me very good at poker.
This allows me to keep in line what I talked about earlier in the week…..is it kind? necessary? true?. The kindest thing I can do is not completely lose my shit. Trust me…..there have been a few instances where my buttons where pushed and I was ready to blow, but that really is what I am striving not to do. Takes way to much energy that could be put to use doing more productive things. There are always going to be stumbles. I just have to remember that sometimes my eye rolls and facial looks speak louder than my words.