I have always been curious when I hear people talk about love at first sight because it seems so unreachable. I mean, I see ice cream and it is love at first sight or even a puppy, but a person, well maybe my experience was different. When I met Brian, he was working at a gas station – back in the olden days when you could get someone to actually pump the gas – and he was annoying. I say this because I was driving a 1965 convertible Mustang and he was interrogating me on why the top wasn’t down. I rolled my eyes and left. Of course, fast forward about a month and we were engaged after dating two weeks. But, it wasn’t love at first sight, well, it was for Brian…..my car not me. I am not really sure when it happened but it wasn’t the moment I saw him.
The process of love is so intricate and complex yet the idea is so simple. My first date with Brian was a bit of a cluster. He was underage and ordering alcohol. I didn’t know he was underage, so there was an instant “oh, shit” and wondering if I am committing some sort of crime. I mean, he looked really young. When he was carded and his drink was taken away, I learned he was 20. Okay, hardly robbing the cradle. That was our first date. Now, most women would have run for the hills. So many red flags, but yet, my attraction was the conversation. We talked for hours about everything yet about nothing and he made me laugh.
I think through the years how love looks changes and shifts especially when you have walked through the embers of hell, but managed to survive. To me, love doesn’t match what it was in the beginning – when it is all shiny and new. Now, it is more worn and comfortable – like your favorite blanket. In some ways, it is easier. Now, I am not saying it is perfect because it isn’t. There are plenty of areas that need work, but what relationship doesn’t?
There is always a level of crazy in any relationship. At least, that is my experience. There is always something that annoys me or I would love for him to stop doing, but part of loving someone is accepting them which includes their quirks. Sometimes he has the maturity level of a two year old and sometimes I have the reaction clock of a nuclear bomb, so it is really learning how to work together even when we don’t see eye to eye. It is a process that we are still navigating.