The last few months have been an adjustment. I know that I have shrugged off the feeling of loss while writing my blog. Acting as if I have moved on and am immersed in all the new opportunities that are coming my way. Part of it is true…..I have moved on, but the opportunities in freelance writing have ebbs and flows. The truth is I have a lot of time on my hands.
Being completely honest on this forum sheds the layer of denial that this part of my journey is blissful. Well, it isn’t. The willingness to open myself up is an effort in embracing being human and not to be ashamed for how I am feeling. In my meditation practice, the voice of my Higher Power has been telling me to “wait” and so I am…..with a lot of impatience.
Funny things happen when I simply surrender to God’s gentle or not so gentle nudge. He shows me the teachers. A couple of days ago while reading an article about a friend and her journey of reinventing herself – both personally and professionally – she mentioned a book that helped her. Of course, I looked at the name and then quickly moved on about my day. I mean, a book was not going to shed light on my situation. Because after all, my situation is unique……at least that is what my ego keeps telling me. But, the name of the book kept badgering me like a fly on a hot summer day, so I downloaded it on my tablet and decided to dive into it yesterday. Like an awakening slap, I felt like this book had been written for me.
Hours passed and I am still reading in my “happy place” aka my writing studio. I am taking copious notes, smiling, talking out loud, and saying, “Oh my God!” over and over again. Then it hit me……sometimes the teacher isn’t a person, it can be as simple as a book. Suddenly, I was in the throws of having this epiphany of sorts where I finally see that the place I am residing is simply a rest stop. Rejuvenating my soul for the next big opportunity. Being ravaged by life is an invitation to purge all the emotional crap, to search for the newness, and to reconnect with my source aka my soul. By acknowledging the shame, the loss, and the feeling of emptiness, I am giving myself permission to be okay with this transformation. If I am willing to walk through the darkness, if I am willing to shed what doesn’t work for me anymore, if I am willing to acknowledge the pain, then I will unleash my true potential. The trick is surrendering.
“If we are not willing to confront the truth about ourselves that loss unearths, we squander rare and precious opportunity for transformation. ” Elizabeth Lesser “Broken Open”