Part of my issue is my over-entitled ego. My ego leads me to believe things that aren’t necessarily true. It whispers in my ear and it reveals a not so pretty version of me. Several things happens when this little nuisance comes to play. First, it gets supersized. The illusion that I might be better than someone else. Then, it gets easily offended. The cherry topping is that it encourages me to overreact. You see, my ego leads me astray.
While I have been in a bit of a pausing pattern, I am finding that the ego is really just fear peppered with judgement. When it rears its ugly head, it normally happens when there is a chance I am not getting what I think I deserve. It is a baffling and cunning twist that keeps me from moving toward the best version of myself.
So, I am slowly meeting my ego at the door. Gently telling it that I don’t need protection. But, there is a catch because its hard to shut the door on it. Not going to lie, when I think of certain people, self-righteous judgement comes to mind. I instantly dissect their behaviors and actions which inflates my little friend, leading me to believe that I am much better than they are. My ego makes me an asshole.
Yesterday, I got an group email that I would only describe as passive-aggressive. I instantly reacted. My thoughts were – “Who does she think she is?” along with “I will show her”. My ego is about four years old. I allowed my feelings to simmer. I decided to meditate before responding as my first thought was to unleash my egotistical semantics. After twenty minutes my initial feelings had simmered. They weren’t gone, but I did feel some relieve. It isn’t a perfect science, My ego is pretty cunning.
Ego is an acronym for “edging God out” which sounds about right since I go on autopilot and leave Him behind to shake his head. The good thing is my awareness and willingness to not allow this to be a standard practice. I am working hard to check my ego at the door before dealing with other humans. This is why I like animals better than people,