On The Edge

By yesterday at 10 am, I wanted to runaway.    Between my mother’s caregiver situation and some other issues that were being addressed, I was teetering on the brink of a nervous breakdown.   Honestly, I would have welcomed it as would have been a well-deserved time out.  But, I am an adult and I had intentionally put on my big girl panties because the shit in my area of the planet was getting real.

And while I was saying out loud, “Are you f****** kidding me?”  (that was done for those of you who would be offended by profanity.), I realized that this is my opportunity to take each situation and boldly approach it with careful thought and no abrupt reactions.  The reality is that there is no problem that doesn’t offer a solution.  Might not be what I want, but in the end it unfolds as God would have intended it to.

My mother wants to “interview” each candidate.  I told her that this isn’t Tinder (then I had to explain what that was) and that we have a woman coming next Monday who comes highly recommended.   Hopefully, the woman won’t run screaming after being there for five minutes.

While my mother is set in her ways aka difficult, I have to be mindful of being compassionate.   Yesterday, she looked so small, vulnerable, and scared.   I just wanted to hug her, but then she says something entirely inappropriate and those feelings vanished. God definitely put her in my path to learn how to love and accept someone right where they are.     This is one of my spiritual lessons that is currently marked as an incomplete, so I am diligently working to improve on that.

So, I am showing up, suiting up, and being mindful that this journey is full of lots of opportunities to simply be of service.   Again, just a mere passenger while I allow Jesus to take the wheel.

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