The Agreement

I have been writing a lot this week on the situation with my mother.   The transition between caregivers is giving me the opportunity to step in and pick up the slack.  I have also shared that my mother can be difficult and we struggle to maintain some sort of peace between us.  I gather it is because we are completely different, while she thinks it is because we come from different generations.  Both are applicable in this situation.

Yesterday, our schedule involved helping her shower and taking her to get her hair done.  She is old school where she doesn’t wash her hair at home, but goes to her stylist once a week.    Before I went over to her house, I prayed, meditated and outfitted myself in my spiritual armor.   Mostly, I asked for patience.

In my spiritual program of recovery, I have a sponsor who helps me reason out the muck, so I can come to a reasonable conclusion.  Seeing my part in any given situation is helpful, and she is by my side to do this.  She doesn’t offer advice, but merely her experience, strength and hope.   Her demeanor is calm and soft spoken.  She exudes patience and still after almost ten years together, has a hard time getting my humor.  I am a smart ass.  But, with that, I am a realist.   So when I said to her that my mantra to myself is “today, I choose not to be an asshole”, she reminded me to talk lovingly to myself.  I reminded her of my sense of humor and that choosing not to be an asshole is like a big hug to me.

Yesterday, my mom and I had a good day.    Why?  Because I choose not to be an impatient asshole.  You see, she isn’t going to be any different.  The dynamic changed because I changed the dynamic by simply being delightful.   We had a wonderful heart-to-heart and even promised not to be assholes to each other.   See…….what a beautiful thing that transpired and it was all because I set the tone.    The old adage…..let it begin with me…..works.

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