Checking Out

“You know, I don’t think we really need to go,” I stated to my spouse yesterday.  The place that I was referring to was a mini schedule night at Bryce’s high school.   Yes, for the last three years, I have gone, immersed myself into whatever classes he was taking, and bounced home excited for the year.   This year, my thought is that I will just sit back and detach from it, after all, he is almost eighteen and doesn’t need his Mommy on his ass.   Plus, I know all of his teachers, so I opted to spend the evening reading blissfully in my pajamas (the organic bamboo ones because they are the best especially for hot flashes).

I am sure that I am in the minority.  After all, this is senior year and there is a frenzy to  freeze each and every moment.    But, instead, I will capture most of the moments.  I will be there when it counts and Bryce knows that about me.    Senior year has given me mood swings.  I go from completely balanced to crying while curled in the fetal position. As Bailey has so lovingly put it, “It is going to be a long year,”.   But, reality states that it won’t be, so I am flowing with it.    Biding my time.

There are well-meaning parents that share their own experience in regards to senior year and college sendoffs.   It is like when you are pregnant and women share their horror stories…..you really don’t want to hear them.    I listen with a smile while silently in my head thinking “please, shut the hell up” (most of you know me well enough that hell would most likely be substituted by a more expressive word, but I am trying to be mindful of those readers offended by cussing).

I am starting the checking out process.   It is my preparation for the next stage.   For the record, he isn’t getting his wings or leaving the nest.   I hate that analogy.  I mean there are birds who leave their nest and fly into my window, so the analogy is stupid.  Instead, he is taking another step into his future.  Something he has been doing since birth.   This isn’t a surprise to me.  Sure, it went fast, but I don’t wish he were still little.  He didn’t sleep and he was a royal pain in the ass.   I like him now.  He is a pretty great person, so the pride is bigger than pain of him leaving.   That is where I want to reside…..being proud.  And guess what?  I can be proud while curled up in the fetal position.  I tried it and it does work.

 

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