The Problem

Before my mother came over last night, I had a package to unwrap.   I didn’t want to open it.  It was too tempting and I felt a tug of resentment bubbling within me.  Oh yes, I am very familiar with this temptress.   She is the reusable gift called unrealistic expectations that are really premeditated resentments in disguise.  But, I went on and unwrapped the beautiful package after all, this time would be different.   That kind of thinking bites me in the ass every, single, time.

My delusion with having my mother to dinner was that we would all exchange small talk.  Everyone would be engaged and animated.  They would be helpful and delightful to be around.  What happened was the opposite.     Bailey was condescending – yes, for those of you who think he is the perfect, loving angel, you too suffer from unrealistic expectations.   Brian and Bryce were silent most of dinner aside from the belching which is par for the course with my spouse.   My mother, who wears hearing aids and suffers from vision loss, was constantly confused as to what was going on.  If someone was talking to someone else, she was worried that she was missing something.  Oh, and my hair.   She really thinks I should get it highlighted more often and don’t ride in an Uber because they are not reliable.  Sigh………

After dinner ended, Bryce and Brian left the table to hook themselves up to their phones because, God forbid, anyone actually continues to be present in a gathering.  Bailey continued spreading his happy demeanor around and I, the ray of sunshine, became a dark cloud full of death stares that really didn’t affect my darling family.    As my mother leaves, she tells me what a wonderful, adorable family I have and she wasn’t being sarcastic either.  I ask her if she attended the same dinner and that goes over her head.

It is me.   I am the problem.    The reality is that the people I live with are going to be how ever they are going to be.    When I allow their behavior to affect me, then I am the problem.   When I let my mother’s comments affect me, then I am the problem.   I guess the lesson here is that I should live alone among nature then I wouldn’t be the problem.   But, then I would deprive everyone of my radiance and sunny disposition.    Actually, maybe I need to remember to stop unwrapping the package of unrealistic expectations.

 

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