It Doesn’t Belong To Me

I have this aggravating trait that makes me want to control everyone and everything around me.  My delusional thinking tells me that in order for me to be okay, I must manage everyone else.   That has never worked.   With fifteen years in a spiritual recovery program, I know better.  That is until fear walks in and takes me hostage.

When I was ranting this morning about a million issues that have nothing to do with me, my spouse reminded me that none of it is mine.  Nothing outside of me can be controlled.   I am not that powerful.  Although there are days when I think I am.   When I am in the mode of feeling everything is unmanageable, I resort back to the things I can control.  Yesterday, I got out of myself by volunteering.   One of my closest friends asked me last week if I wanted to go with her and I immediately said yes.   It mini-sized my own issues.

Meditation has always been a powerful tool for me, so yesterday I did a mindful, active one while putting critter food out for all my furry friends that visit our backyard.  Just call me “menopausal Snow White”.    While volunteering, I focused on the task versus anything outside of that moment.   It was all about being present.

I have no idea what the future holds.   My crystal ball broke when I was trying to clean the house, which is why I have decided that cleaning is so overrated.    I do know that God has it all figured out and all I need to do is show up.   So, today, I will remember that my job is to focus on me.  Everything else is being handled.  All is well even I feel it isn’t.

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