Several weeks ago, I wrote about having dinner with some ladies that I had just met. It was awkward primarily because I introduced myself and then nothing, except they were glad to meet me, but that is about all the greeting entailed. No names. No small talk. Just a very strange gathering. I wonder now if they are in the FBI and couldn’t give out their names due to undercover work. Anyway, I had thought a lot about that dinner and how truly bizarre it was. While I was away, I had a conversation with one of my wise friends. She shared that when she is in that type of situation, she often wonders if it is her, so she often gives it a second try. If she feels the same way the second time around, then she knows the answer.
Funny thing, I had an “ah-ha” moment this morning. You see, before I immersed myself into a spiritual recovery program, I was a chameleon. I changed to fit in with a variety of groups. I didn’t have the awareness that I was enough. That conforming to fit in with others didn’t allow me to present an authentic version of me. So, I reevaluated the whole experience and came to realize that the reason it was so uncomfortable was because of me. I was trying to mold myself in order to “fit in” and since I have such different behavior today, it felt forced, awkward, and completely out of character in terms of who I am at this present moment. It wasn’t them. It was me. You see, they were being themselves. I was not.
And while these ladies probably won’t ever be a part of my tribe, I am delighted in the fact that today, that is okay. Not everyone is going to get me and vice-versa. What is important is that I present my authentic self at all times because that is when I am the most magical.