The Reflection

Several weeks ago, I wrote about having dinner with some ladies that I had just met.    It was awkward primarily because I introduced myself and then nothing, except they were glad to meet me, but that is about all the greeting entailed. No names.  No small talk.  Just a very strange gathering.  I wonder now if they are in the FBI and couldn’t give out their  names due to undercover work.  Anyway, I had thought a lot about that dinner and how truly bizarre it was.   While I was away, I had a conversation with one of my wise friends.  She shared that when she is in that type of situation, she often wonders if it is her, so she often gives it a second try.  If she feels the same way the second time around, then she knows the answer.

Funny thing, I had an “ah-ha” moment this morning.   You see, before I immersed myself into a spiritual recovery program, I was a chameleon.   I changed to fit in with a variety of groups.    I didn’t have the awareness that I was enough.  That conforming to fit in with others didn’t allow me to present an authentic version of me.  So, I reevaluated the whole experience and came to realize that the reason it was so uncomfortable was because of me.    I was trying to mold myself in order to “fit in” and since I have such different behavior today, it felt forced, awkward, and completely out of character in terms of who I am at this present moment.   It wasn’t them.  It was me.    You see, they were being themselves.  I was not.

And while these ladies probably won’t ever be a part of my tribe, I am delighted in the fact that today, that is okay.   Not everyone is going to get me and vice-versa.   What is important is that I present my authentic self at all times because that is when I am the most magical.

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