The Parent Syndrome

As a Mom, I am forever trying to accommodate the human beings that I brought into the world.  They are complicated.  Sometimes I wonder if aliens transported them here just to test my patience.    While most days are uneventful or at the very least, not worthy of being written about, yesterday was a prime example of how my kids keep me off balance.

Bryce came home from football practice drenched from the monsoon that seemed to linger.   He was in a good mood and I was thrilled that we would have a family dinner.  Why must I set myself up?  Anyway, the discussion led to senior night which happens to be this Friday night.  Bailey – my oldest with Down syndrome – is going to be dancing at halftime with his dance team.  Last year, it was an awesome sight, so you can imagine how excited I am for this to happen again.  The fact it is also senior night is simply a bonus since both of my boys will be spotlighted.   Of course, I assumed that everyone felt the way I do, but I would be wrong.

“Why does he have to be dancing on MY night?”   That was the question from my youngest.  As a parent, there is never a way to make everything even, but especially when you have a child with special needs,     I stammered as I explained and then I simply stated that I wasn’t going to engage.   I walked away feeling defeated and a little pissed.  Feeling that no matter what I do, it will never be enough in his eyes.

A few minutes later, I gathered my thoughts and walked back into his room.    “You know.  I am doing the best I can.   Maybe remember that senior night isn’t just about you.  It is also about your Dad and me.    It is just one of many endings that we are experiencing.  You are leaving soon and with that, a little bit of my heart is going to. So maybe, give me a little leeway in this matter.”    Of course, my eyes had already welled up.   Bryce looked at me and merely muttered and “Okay”.

I completely understand where Bryce is coming from.  Bailey lives with him, works at his school, and is basically the center of attention wherever we go.   But, what he forgets is how proud his brother is of him.  That Bailey thinks he hung the moon.   As they grow older, I am sure that perspective with shift.  For now, I will remind myself that this too shall pass.

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