Idling

“So are you doing nothing today?” This is the question Bailey asks almost every day before I take him to work.   My response is usually, “well, I don’t ever have a day where nothing is accomplished, so I will be doing something,”.  To which he responds, “So you aren’t doing anything then.”    Sigh….

When my writing schedule was fuller, it was easy to give him the rundown of my obligations.    So, now that there is more space in that area, he calculates my time as completely free.   Isn’t that delightful?  Why does that annoy me so?  Is it because I don’t want anyone to think I am sitting on my ass delighting in the quiet?  Oh, wait, but I am.  I am delighting in the silence while going room to room to purge items that are no longer being used.  (Don’t tell my spouse.  He still hasn’t gotten over me “donating” his sweaters from the 80s.  A simple “thank you” would have sufficed.  People are so ungrateful.)   But, I can’t tell Bailey that because he thrives on being a hoarder.  I am subtle in my hunt.

Plus, I AM writing and while many don’t really associate that with work, I assure you that it is labor intensive.   It is exhausting.   Always trying to be fresh in my attempt of connecting with my readers, but also not trying to sound preachy.   Just sharing my experience all the while not taking myself too seriously.    This is all in conjunction with expanding on writing projects that have been left to collect dust while other priorities took precedence.

It is humorous actually that Bailey’s inquiries tweak my nerves.  I suppose I feel like I have to justify staying home and writing.   Like what I do isn’t valid or worthy like some other occupations, plus right now, it isn’t as lucrative as it had been previously.  So, there is the component of feeling like my contribution is not as significant.

Why as women do we feel that we have to justify everything?   And sure, we can say that we don’t give a shit what other people think of us, but we do, even just a little bit.   It stirs something.  There is a level of expectations in terms of production.  Like showing what you have accomplished validates you in some way.

I think I will change my response to my beloved oldest son.   Maybe I will say something like,  “Today, Bailey, I am simply going to bask in the quiet, sitting on my ass, and waiting for you to return home.”  I imagine his response will be, “So, you are doing nothing today?”. Yes, because nothing is always something.

 

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