I am constantly fascinated by the human condition. People and their quirks. I am mindful that we are all filled with these idiosyncrasies that are essentially used to protect us. We use them to layer in an effort to shield us from the harsh reality, but in essence they are a useless component that only inhibits the best version of ourselves.
In my spiritual program of recovery, it is my honor to work with others on the same path. I compare the process to a metamorphosis and when we start to live by example, all those protective layers peel away to reveal our authentic self. It takes a while. It is a process of learning what works and what doesn’t.
For me, it was a series of blaming my behavior on other people. I am pretty sure that most figured I was the reason for Brian’s drinking. If I weren’t smart enough to know that I am not that powerful, I would have agreed with them. I was cuckoo. The person I was fifteen years ago was full of fear, rage, insecurity, and powerlessness. I was out of control and pointing the finger as someone else was easier than admitting that I was the problem or at the very least, part of the bigger problem. Isn’t that what we all do at some point? Don’t we look for someone else to blame for our unhappiness? I didn’t realize that it wasn’t up to anyone to insure my bliss. It was all me.
Part of my journey is ownership. Claiming my shortfalls and accepting my humanness. Life isn’t a competition. Nobody is getting out alive and I am pretty sure there is no award given for the craziest person, so I continue on my quest to not give into my overreactions to people, places, and things. I am still crazy, but I have some excellent tools that keep it under control….. on most days. We are all doing the best we can. If we can acknowledge that then the rest isn’t so hard.