Nature Calling

As we were getting ready to welcome our Christmas day guests for dinner, I heard Brian bellow for me….”Hurry!  You have to see this, but be quiet.”.  Okay, first of all, when I am hurrying, I am hardly quiet, but in the spirit of the season, I decided to attempt it.   As I reached the kitchen, my spouse is pointing out the window towards my car.  I could make out the shape, but the identity of the object resting on my car was lost on me.  Then I realized I might need my glasses.    The world is a lot clearer with them on, but my house seems dirtier, which is why I hardly wear them when I am home.

Once my glasses were on, the object transformed from a blob to a hawk perched on my car with not a care in the world.  Upon further observation, I noticed he had his dinner with him.  A small bird had become his Christmas feast…..on my car.    This reminded me of the hawk that had taken up residence in our backyard a few days prior.  I had gone out to have a conversation with it. This is part of my charm people, I reason with wildlife.  I told this delightful hawk that I totally get the circle of life, but would prefer for it not to happen in front of me.    Our distance wasn’t too far apart and while I felt he had heard me, I also felt like he might have flipped me off as he flew away.   So, back to the present hawk, who I thought looked familiar, of course, one could say they all look alike, but I felt a connection with this particular one.  In any event, I marched outside like a lunatic.   Screaming……”Get off my car mother-f*****.”   In our seemingly serene neighborhood my salty language was being spewed on this most peaceful of holidays.  I repeated myself over and over again as he was unaffected by my sentence enhancers or my flailing arms.  If there were neighbors home, I am sure they were enjoying the show.    Finally, as if my hawk nemesis had enough, he flew off and feathers from his dinner floated to the ground.   Thank goodness he didn’t leave that as a reminder for me.

When I walked back in the house, I could see the amusement on my husband’s face.  I mean, I live to entertain him.    As if I had been accosted, I kept repeating, “I can’t believe that.  I mean, seriously take your dinner somewhere else.”.    I had repeated it so much, I realized that I was alone in the room.  Apparently, my loved ones had begun to see me losing it and sought a more peaceful place in the house to reside.

Just so we are clear, when I see that hawk or one of his friends again, I will go outside to give it a stern talking to.   Apparently, my message feel on deaf ears the first time and I certainly have found it helpful, especially with my family, to repeat myself over and over again because no one hears me the first time.

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