The page has remained blank for over a month. I have made excuses, rationalized the emptiness and finally sat down to try to sum up the subject matter. Bryce will be going on his high school senior retreat in less than two weeks. Part of the ceremonial Catholic tradition is to have parents and loved ones write a letter for them to read while gone for three days. The blank page doesn’t represent that I have nothing to say. It represents that I don’t know where to start.
Once I settled down to write it, I wondered how I would stay in the “recommended” two page limit. But, I am a Catholic rebel who defies the rules and went for broke with a solid three pages. The gist of the letter is to be inspiration in the delivery. Focus on the child’s attributes and give meaningful life advice. Since I just shared with him a few days ago, that paper towels are never to be thrown in the toilet, I feel like the requirement for life advice has been fulfilled. Nevertheless, I focused on what he brings to my life, how I admire his tenacity and his generous heart. I told him in a very artistic manner to not allow people to take advantage of his loving spirit. I could have summed it up by saying that “people suck”, but this is a loving letter and Bryce already knows my feelings on the human race. Plus, I am pretty sure they will be screened by the retreat leaders, so I definitely wanted to walk the appropriate line even if I was tempted to lace it was sarcastic undertones.
I finished the letter and sent it on its way. Waiting has its advantages. It allowed me to collect my thoughts and truly write what was on my heart. There is a part of me that feels that this is a goodbye letter. Not in the sense of him leaving and never coming back, but a farewell to his childhood. The door is slowly opening to his new life chapter. But this time, I am merely a spectator.