Through The Eyes

If I have learned anything in life, it would be that the observations or judgments of others don’t define me.   The other day, I was put in the position of someone else’s opinion.   Normally, I can shrug it off and realize that it is merely a reflection of them and has nothing to do with me.  But, there was a switch that flipped and the words that they shared embedded themselves deep within me.   This person accused me of being the most unorganized person that they know.   Let that digest a moment.

First of all, doesn’t there need to be a competition in order for me to win such a title?  I pride myself on being organized – not like I coordinate my clothes by color or alphabetize my can goods – but organized in the sense that I know where shit is located.  But, the discomfort lingers.    This judgement goes deeper.  The old tapes start playing…..”you aren’t good enough”,  “you aren’t doing enough”, “you aren’t enough”…..and I feel ashamed.

The being organized or not is irrelevant at this point.     But, what is important is recognizing that I am enough in every aspect of my life.   What others think or feel about me is a reflection of them, but what I do with it, is a reflection of me.   I haven’t handled it well.  I want to punish the other person for the hurt they have inflicted.   How is that helpful in healing the situation?  It isn’t.    In an effort to heal, I need to sit with my discomfort a little while longer.   I need to forgive myself and then I need to forgive the other person.    Because if I want to heal, that is where it needs to begin.

 

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