If I have learned anything in life, it would be that the observations or judgments of others don’t define me. The other day, I was put in the position of someone else’s opinion. Normally, I can shrug it off and realize that it is merely a reflection of them and has nothing to do with me. But, there was a switch that flipped and the words that they shared embedded themselves deep within me. This person accused me of being the most unorganized person that they know. Let that digest a moment.
First of all, doesn’t there need to be a competition in order for me to win such a title? I pride myself on being organized – not like I coordinate my clothes by color or alphabetize my can goods – but organized in the sense that I know where shit is located. But, the discomfort lingers. This judgement goes deeper. The old tapes start playing…..”you aren’t good enough”, “you aren’t doing enough”, “you aren’t enough”…..and I feel ashamed.
The being organized or not is irrelevant at this point. But, what is important is recognizing that I am enough in every aspect of my life. What others think or feel about me is a reflection of them, but what I do with it, is a reflection of me. I haven’t handled it well. I want to punish the other person for the hurt they have inflicted. How is that helpful in healing the situation? It isn’t. In an effort to heal, I need to sit with my discomfort a little while longer. I need to forgive myself and then I need to forgive the other person. Because if I want to heal, that is where it needs to begin.