March

This month seems to mark significant life changes for me.   The old saying, “March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb”, certainly has painted my landscape.  Sixteen years ago, I was pissed, frustrated, annoyed, and broken when my spouse sought recovery for his addiction to alcohol.   I, too, needed to find a space to “dry out” from my debilitating need to control, smother, and literally take those I love emotionally hostage.  But, where most couples don’t always recovery together, somehow, we managed to do just that.   It wasn’t always pretty and we still have our moments, but without a spiritual solution, our scenery would be very different.

In the same context, a year ago, my career abruptly changed.    After ten years of writing about beautiful homes, meeting amazing people, and doing what I love from the comfort of my own home, I was told that my services were no longer needed.   And boom, my life changed direction.   For a while, I felt like a ship off course.  Aimlessly drifting to parts unknown.  And while there were soft places to land, I still felt displaced.   I was apart of something and then in an instant, I wasn’t.    Because I have worked tirelessly on my emotional sobriety, I was able to simply embrace where I was.  Allowed myself to be angry, sad, and to grieve.    What I learned is to appreciate the opportunity as a foundation for what lies ahead for me.  I truly believe God knew I was done before I did.

There is a lot of gratitude for my life today.   I no longer dwell in the past obsessing about experiences that are completed.  Instead, I am moving forward, taking on new writing gigs that simply fall in my lap, and appreciating that walking through the discomfort is the only way for the good stuff to be revealed.   The only thing needed from me is my willingness.

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