“Where are the last two pieces of bread?” This was my inquiry Sunday as I prepared to make my lunch. Since calorie counting began, I am down nine pounds. I eat the same lunch everyday. It is my security blanket, so I knew on Saturday, I had just enough bread to get me through until Monday when I had planned to go to the store. “I ate it last night,” my spouse announced. Then the lunatic that resides inside of me reared her ugly head. I had a full blown tantrum dripping in sentence enhancers. My spouse responds, “Do you want me to go get you some more?” I was not in the mood for Brian to be kind. He was willing to leave his food to go to the store at that moment. No, the martyr, who is best friends with the lunatic that is within me, responded with a resounding, “No! Forget it. I will do it myself. I do EVERYTHING myself.” And with that, I turned and stomped out on a mission to get MY bread.
While at the store still wallowing in my annoyance, the kind clerk smiled at me and told me that my hair looked fantastic which, of course, made me smile. In fact, it shifted my perspective to an almost sane human. I drove home ready to have an adult conversation with my husband over common courtesy. Which I did, but it ended up that both of us were not on the same page. It was like speaking two different languages. His perception was that I should have known that he was eating the bread because I have seen him doing so. Seriously? I mean, I do have a life that doesn’t involve the constant observation of EVERYTHING that he eats. My point was simply the basic conception of inquiring if there was another loaf BEFORE stuffing the bread in one’s mouth. We were on different pages.
Can I be honest? The more I rehash this particular situation in my head, I realize that it really wasn’t all about the bread. Oh, I was pissed about my starchy companion being eaten by my spouse, but the other layer is becoming clearer. We are coming closer and closer to Bryce leaving and both of us are excited but dreading it all at the same time. It is so interesting how feelings can be masked and disguised as something other than what they really are. I need to be aware that ALL of us are going to have feelings about the transition on the horizon. We are ALL going to have a period of adjustment. Bryce leaves in four weeks. FOUR FLIPPIN’ WEEKS!!!!! (I can’t say my favorite “F” word because Facebook won’t allow me to promote my blog if I do.)
So, I will be easy with myself and others. I will try to not go insane over mundane issues even though bread doesn’t necessarily fall into that category. And remembering that I am not the only one experiencing grief over this change. I know we are all going to be okay…….as long as no one finishes off my bread.