What the hell?

I returned from my adult timeout only to be tossed into the bonfire of reality.   Dealing with life on its terms,  I found myself spinning a bit.  Trying to get my bearings along with packing to leave for the lake.   You see, God is hilarious.  Months ago we were invited to spend the weekend with some good friends at the lake.  Knowing that I would literally be coming home from Santa Fe and leaving less than 12 hours later, would normally cause me to hesitate, but He knows what is best.   It was for everyone’s benefit that I leave town where no cell service or internet is available.  I considered it my second adult timeout.

What happened the morning we were leaving was unexpected.  Our fifteen year old cat, Lilo needed to be put to sleep.  It was as if she was waiting for me and once I returned, she knew she could go.  So, in the midst of caring for the aging, as bizarre as this seems, this situation with Lilo provided a distraction.   It was all so sane, plausible and contained.  There was no second guessing.  No confusion or questioning.  It made sense.  Life ends at some point and this was her time.

As we traveled to our destination where the internet and cell service is on hiatus, I was grateful that for two days, life could spin out of control and I didn’t have to participate.   Processing the loss of a pet along with a bundle of moving parts that include juggling the geriatric phase,  preparing for a kid to leave for college in less than two weeks, and simply striving to keep my shit together.

I came home today and went to visit my mother for her birthday where she couldn’t stop talking about the state of affairs in our country (please stop talking ), how she wants her furniture divided when she dies (I told her we were having a yard sale), and plenty of reminders that she can’t see but commented on my makeup and weight loss.  I didn’t have makeup on and I have eaten nonstop for two weeks, so I am positive that the weight I did manage to lose has been stalking me and found its way back to my hips.   But, I appreciate the sentiment and love her for where she is which sometimes is tricky.

I am doing the very best that I can despite the challenges that continue to be thrown in my direction.   Sure, sentence enhancers are used, and I long to have the Wonder Woman wristbands used to deflect those pesky obstacles that mar my landscape.    I breathe.  I pray.    And sometimes, I run away, but I always return because I love my life even when it doesn’t always make sense.

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