Trial Run

“Is it okay if I come home?  There is nothing that I need to stay for and don’t have to be back until Monday.”  This is the question from my now college freshman who has been gone a total of twelve hours.  Yes, for twelve hours I have wondered what he is doing after my red, puffy eyes have regained their composure.   I had even embraced a small amount of peace in an effort to move forward in our new transitional phase of sending our youngest to college.   And now, he wants to come home…. after twelve hours.

If we had known, I would not have ugly cried all over him.  I would have saved it for the real deal.   My Friday would have looked differently.  I would not have avoided human contact for fear they would ask me how I was and I would melt into a puddle of tears and snot.     I would not have walked into his room and touched each piece of furniture as if it would transport me in time.   So, when he asked, I laughed and said, “Are you kidding me? Did I just waste a bucket of tears on you?”

The whole weekend was us giving him a hard time as we were under the impression that it would be weeks before seeing him.   “Did you bring all of your laundry home?”   “Are you eating properly?”   “How are is football going?”   When we went out with some friends Friday night, they were all ready to console us.   When I told them the story complete with sentence enhancers, they all laughed and commiserated with me on the reality that I get to do it all over again.

Possibly, my do-over will be different.  Maybe I will get to fill him up with inspiring words instead of blubbering all over him.  Maybe I will be able to walk through my day without thinking about what he is doing and if he is happy.  Maybe Bailey will tell me once again that now that Bryce is gone, he will listen better.   That in itself will be worth the absence of our youngest.

 

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