Looking Back

I am not one to stare longingly in the rear view mirror of my life. Everything that has happened for me – not to me – has provided a long list of opportunities. But, there was a little bit of lingering regret that happened as we visited Bryce for Parent’s weekend. You see, he is attending the same college that I did for three years. A school that I loved but didn’t fully appreciate until my own offspring started to attend.

When I went away to school, I wasn’t prepared for the freedom and lack of structure, so I invested heavily on the social aspect rather than the academic portion. By my junior year, everything finally clicked, but there were distractions from home. It was evident leaving was in my best interest. Upon my return, I went to school part-time while I worked. I could make excuses as to why it took me twelve years to get my degree, but the reality was, there were many moving pieces. But, I did it and went on to get a masters in writing, which was not in my plan. But, as I know from experience, plans change.

This weekend, I sat on the steps of the building that served as a catalyst for my love of writing. My eyes lingered at the beauty of the landscape and emotion crept in begging to be released. Maybe it was regret not finishing what I started at this amazing school. Maybe it was the realization that, at that time, I wasn’t grateful for the opportunity. Maybe it simply was me having some closure over a piece of my life that I needed to forgive. If I had chosen to stay, what would my life look like? Would I be married to Brian and have these amazing boys? Would I be a writer? I can’t linger in the past for long. I can’t squander my time with “what ifs”. Even when I thought that I was headed in the wrong direction, I was still on course. Sure, I took some backroads, but I know that the detours of life always lead me to an amazing destination. I just have to be willing to go along for the ride.

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