I am on week 4 (really week 5 for me since I was all in during prep week), of my new way of eating or as I like to refer to it – my sustainable living initiative. Still love it and how I am feeling, but there is this vanity about it that I can’t seem to shake off. The expectation of people to “ooh” and “aah” over my transformation. As I was told early on, people may not notice much of a difference until much later in the process.
So in true transparency, this issue of mine goes back to wanting approval. The affirmation and validation that I am on the right path. It’s truly ridiculous since I am in the club of “I don’t really care what you think”. I mean I do, but most of the time I don’t. My shift occurred many years ago when I decided that the only person whose validation I needed was my own and the big guy upstairs. After all, I am the one who has to live with the decisions that I make. But there is something about making a major life change that reveals a more vulnerable side. With a history of body image issues, I can’t ignore where I am residing, but I can’t cosign the bullshit either. And no, I am not fishing for compliments. I am just stating that I can be my own worst enemy.
When I box myself in a corner of self-doubt, I remind myself that this transformation is between me and God. That I am noticing the change. The looseness in my pants, the way my legs are becoming more muscular, the shrinking of my stomach, and the energy that has replaced the sluggishness. Those are affirmations from my body that I am on the right track. That is the only validation that I really need.