There is a lot of change going on around me. In my heart, I know it will all work out, but in my head, well, let’s just say it resembles a carnival. Naturally, I am creative, so you can only imagine the kind of stories that I invent. They are mind-blowing and if I allow them to take over, then I am in serious trouble.
I want an immediate answer when I am in this type of situation. When nothing is being revealed in my self-imposed time table, I project into the future. Friends, I am literally a time traveler. When that happens, I am no longer in the present. Yesterday, that was apparent when I couldn’t remember if I put makeup on, forgot Bryce’s oral surgeon consultation papers and had to circle back home to retrieve them, plus I was a complete bitch most of the day. In fact, I was annoyed with myself. I was living on auto pilot.
My delusion is that I have some sort of control. Would it be great if God gave me a sneak peek into his plans? Sure,but He doesn’t. Acceptance doesn’t mean I am enjoying these particular scenarios. It just means that I have to surrender.
I am still working on being emotionally sober. Being in the mindset that in this very moment, all is well. My time traveling doesn’t solve any problems. It simply exacerbates my emotions. It delivers false information. It steals me away from the present. And, fun fact, the stories invented in my head, never come true. In fact, they work out much better than I could have ever imagined.
I don’t have a clue what the future holds. So, maybe, I can just give myself the gift of enjoying the present. Because, honestly, all I really have is this moment.