Something is Missing

Most of the time I feel like a competent individual. But lately, something is missing. I am not sure if it is the transition of Brian being on a job hiatus that is throwing me off of my game or if I am simply too consumed by all of the self-imposed goals that I have set. Whatever it is, I feel like I am losing my mind.

Yesterday, I went with some friends to lunch and see a play. As we were chatting, one of the ladies was talking about a trip they are taking this weekend since her girls are on winter break. You would think that this conversation would trigger me into thinking that Bailey would be having a break as well since he works for a high school. Nope, nothing was clicking. When my friend asked when Bailey would be off, I went blank. Clueless. I am not sure if it is the fact that I lack a student there or if I am so out of touch, but it kind of made me uncomfortable.

I made a mental note to check this when I got home, but in the meantime, after dropping off my friends, I ventured to my mother’s house. Since she is visually impaired, I purchased a talking watch for her. Somehow, the watch was two hours ahead, so she had her caregiver drop this off to me as if I was a watch expert. If you read my blogs a lot, you will remember that she was uncomfortable sending this watch to the jeweler because he would fix it for free. She doesn’t like the feeling that she “owes” someone, so I suppose I am the jeweler now. Anyway, it mysteriously went back to the correct time, so I was returning it. I called to let her know I was on my way and that it would be a short visit as I had a meeting to attend. Her response was, “Oh, well I need you to check the thermostat because I have no heat.” Here we go again. My response was, “Stop touching it!” She continues to tell me that she hasn’t, but we all know the truth, so I exhale and tell her I will be there soon.

Somehow, she had an override on the system where it turns itself off every two hours and then comes on thirty minutes later. She tried to blame me since I was the last one setting it, but we all know that isn’t the truth. I set it back to how it suppose to be and told her to stop touching it. Christ on a cracker, maybe some of my lapse of knowing what the hell is going on is due to my particular situation with my mother. Now, I am not blaming her but my focus has been more distracted in the last few months. Actually, let’s just say it’s life.

I am juggling a lot of things right now. It is possible that I simply need a reprieve. In three weeks, the beach will be my domain. The sound of the ocean always has a way of easing any turmoil that exist. Maybe the salt air will rejuvenate my brain cells.

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