Please, be quiet

My Monday was centered around being of service. Mom had an appointment with an ENT. Not long ago, she had an issue with vertigo that she was convinced her hearing aids caused. Several professionals have explained that they were not the issue, but we have to go through the ranks to convince her. Jesus. Take. The. Wheel.

Long story, but my GPS seemed to be acting extra bitchy yesterday and kept rerouting me. In the meantime, my mother is yammering on and on about something. Obviously, I was trying to concentrate on where the hell this office building was and have no idea what she was saying. I politely asked her to be quiet, while I focused on our destination. That did not happen. Instead, she asked me if I knew a good Podiatrist. Then she went on about something she saw on the news. By this time, my head is on the verge of exploding and I keep driving in circles to find this place.

I don’t know about you, but when I am “lost”, I need quiet. No radio. No talking. Complete silence. It’s the belief that once all of those things blend, I will magically find the place that I am searching for. Sweet. Baby. Jesus. She just would not shut up even after she said that she would be quiet.

Finally, I pulled into the parking lot. I felt like Christopher Columbus finding a whole new world. And that bitch of a GPS is fired. We had five minutes to get to the doctor’s office and friends, I wanted to do a fireman’s carry because she was so preoccupied with her surroundings and realizing that this was the building her former Podiatrist was in, that she became even slower than normal.

Fun fact, when you are trapped in a exam room for over an hour, you get to revisit her embalming request along with her funeral ideas. I reiterated that she could be embalmed, but that it is unrealistic to be buried within 24 hours because of my sister’s geographical location. I explained they could put her “on ice” until everyone could get into town. She balked saying that she didn’t want to be refrigerated. I sighed. Then she said that maybe when my sister comes in town next, we could pre-plan her funeral. She made it sound like we were going to the spa. I just agreed because it is easier that way.

Just in case you are wondering, she was told the same thing that she had been told by three different professionals. Her issues were not caused by her hearing aids, and her ears are not damaged. Hopefully, this will alleviate any doubt and anxiety that she has been experiencing. Until next time, when she is convinced she has a brain tumor. True story. Thank God, she doesn’t know how to use the internet. Web MD would be a nightmare.

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