If Only

It is interesting to me that sometimes outside forces can influence my mood, if I allow it. It really shouldn’t be a surprise. If I have learned anything in the vast time I have been in existence, I am the only one in control of my mood. It just takes me a moment to recognize the issue.

Yesterday, we had a full day of appointments and I felt like I was put in charge of organizing the troops. But, these testosterone filled individuals weren’t really embracing my instruction. Sigh. Bryce had arranged to take his car in for regular maintenance before he heads back to school next Friday. Conveniently enough, the place is near Brian’s work, so I was hoping the car would be ready around the time he would have to be there. I suggested to my youngest son, that he call to check on the progress. His response was, “if they haven’t called, then it isn’t ready”. Um, no. I normally don’t get bitchy with him, but I was on the cusp of severe annoyance. So in my perfected bitchy mom voice, I said, “Call them” while my teeth clenched together. Not one of my finer moments, but he called and guess what? The car was ready. I know, I am shocked I was right, too. Cue exaggerated eye-roll.

In the meantime, my oldest, who thinks because he is on summer vacation, he can stay up all night, decides to appear from his sleeping tomb at 12:30 pm. He apparently stayed up until 3 am. Can you guess who is excited about him going back to a routine once he goes back to work? Yes, that would be me. Bailey is not a fan of change, so he became extra grumpy when I told him he would need to hurry up and eat since we had to leave by 1:15 for haircuts. He glared. Rolled his eyes while mumbling something about me not being the boss of him. By the time we left for haircuts, both boys were commenting on how extra annoying I was, and we drove in complete silence. Nice.

While the atmosphere radiated in tension, I was able to ponder what the hell was going on with me. I realized that my level of bitchiness seeped out after I got off the phone with a friend. She had shared some news and I was affected by it. Not to share her story and while it had nothing to do with me, I allowed it to override my good mood. Her news made me sad, fearful, and most of all, powerless because there is no way I can fix it. I can listen. I can be there for her. But, that is the extend of what I can do. So, all of those feelings bubbled up and I transferred them to my family. The good news is that I can clean up my emotional garbage. Shifting back into a more sensible and kinder person. I still feel sad for my friend, but I don’t have to take anyone emotionally hostage over it. However, it really would be nice if the people in my house would just do what I say.

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