I can always identify the moments where I am not completely in my own body. When I am distracted and not fully paying attention. The week has been so heavy that I have found myself doing incredibly stupid shit.
Last night, I decided that I was not cooking dinner. The effort seemed too much, so I hopped online (not really hopped because my fuel light is on empty), and ordered Panera. I love the ability to order in advance. I selected 5 p.m. for the delivery time and resumed whatever task I wasn’t paying attention to. Seriously, I almost needed a keeper.
Anyway, 5 p.m. rolls around. Then 5:15. I wait. And wait. Did I tell you I was waiting? I was baffled since this is one delivery place that is usually early. I was about to call when I decided to confirm the time on my email. You know, because I can’t be trusted to complete a simple task. Glad I didn’t call and bitch, since my email indicated that I had selected to pickup versus deliver. Awesome.
I yell downstairs to Bailey to let him know that I am leaving to get our food. My issue when I do this is that I normally have to yell down there several times before he responds. I have requested that he acknowledge me the first time around, but that doesn’t happen. My belief is that he enjoys my frustration. I just left thinking that he will figure out. The whole drive I am talking to myself like a crazy person. It was an insightful one-sided conversation.
When I arrived home, I yell down to Bailey that his food has arrived and he responded. It. Is. A. Miracle. Actually, it is merely the fact that I have food. It has nothing to do with making my life a tad easier. Then he says, “I heard you a little while ago say my name. You didn’t answer when I responded.” I didn’t have the energy to tell him that by the time he responded, I was probably at Panera. Christ. On. A. Ritz. Cracker. We bonded by eating together in separate rooms.
I know my struggle with being present is simply based on the emotional week that I have experienced. That “easy does it” is my adopted mantra and that I really do value having my food delivered.